My diary

EPISODE ONE : THE BREAK

THE BREAK

It wasn’t the first time it was happening. His usual breaking up with me. Initially they were just threats but there was something different about this one. As usual he made it about me. Said I was not appreciative of his efforts. I was making him think a lot. I was always being paranoid. I didn’t make him happy anymore. He wasn’t free dating me. He didn’t love me anymore. I’m not sure if I hadn’t read well or if I just had a hard time accepting all he said, still I begged. Asked him if there was nothing else to hold on to. His reply “nothing at all”. Still I begged because that was all I knew to do. We later settled for taking a break after I had pushed so hard. I was travelling for a period of about two weeks and we agreed to meet after I came back.

It happened at about 11pm. We stopped texting at about 1am. I dropped my phone and closed my eyes to sleep. I should have felt some sort of victory that I got a break instead of a break up, but all I felt was pain. I’m not even sure where it came from but it pierced my heart so deep I could physically feel it my chest. I thought I was about to die or go crazy. I started to cry, I started to wonder, I had so many questions to ask ‘how?’ Being the most prevalent of all. Could this be about another woman? How can he even like somebody else (so all my love couldn’t fill up his heart? You mean to say there’s still space?)? How did I even wrong him, if I did? How can he live with causing me all these pain? How did we go to so happy to this? How did I become this not enough? How did he become this person that he has become? How did this happen? How did that happen? How does he not remember everything? How didn’t he even fight for me? And above all, how did I get here?

My self esteem was at its lowest, my dignity the same, I was so low. He had drained me of all the value I had for myself. I had taken so much that I didn’t even know how to stop. I had given it all to one boy in trust, believing that he would protect it. I had forgotten what it was like to feel for anyone else, to love anyone else, to let anyone else make me happy. He owned it all. He owned me mind, body and soul. Even I hadn’t realised at what point he gained such control over me.

I lay crying. Scared. I still don’t know what I was scared of, but fear is what best describes the way I felt. I didn’t know what to do with all that pain and fear so I picked up my phone and started to text my friends. (I have to add here that my friends are so annoying. I have told them severally to leave their phones on ring out when they go to bed but they wouldn’t listen) I knew they wouldn’t see my text till they woke up, still I text them.

Morning wasn’t forth coming, the pain wasn’t going away and the fear just kept increasing.

(17) Comments

  1. News info I was reading the news and I saw this really cool info

  2. remedy additional eye mark complications in order that you can readily get essentially the most from your hard earned money therefore you all certainly hold the product as full impacts.

  3. That is really interesting, You are an overly skilled blogger.

  4. the most common table lamp these days still use incandescent lamp but some of them use compact fluorescent lamps which are cool to touch..

  5. Muchos Gracias for your post.Much thanks again. Cool.

  6. This is one awesome article post.Much thanks again.

  7. Major thanks for the blog.Much thanks again. Really Great.

  8. Wow! I cant think I have found your blog. Extremely helpful info.

  9. Really enjoyed this blog.Really thank you! Want more.

  10. Sick and tired of every japan chit chat? Our company is at this website for your needs

  11. 7h3WJX I’а†ve read several just right stuff here. Certainly price bookmarking for revisiting. I wonder how a lot effort you set to create such a fantastic informative web site.

  12. d1tvnV You have mentioned very interesting points ! ps decent site. We simply rob ourselves when we make presents to the dead. by Publilius Syrus.

  13. Can I just say what a relief to find someone who actually knows what theyre talking about on the internet. You definitely know how to bring an issue to light and make it important. More people need to read this and understand this side of the story. I cant believe youre not more popular because you definitely have the gift.

  14. I just couldn’t depart your site prior to suggesting that I
    extremely loved the usual info a person supply for your guests?

    Is gonna be again regularly to check up on new posts

  15. Howdy! This post could not be written any better! Going
    through this article reminds me of my previous roommate!
    He constantly kept talking about this. I am going to send this information to him.
    Pretty sure he will have a great read. Many thanks for sharing!

  16. Hello my family member! I want to say that this
    post is awesome, nice written and include approximately
    all vital infos. I would like to see more posts like this .

  17. Peculiar article, exactly what I was looking for.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *