Literature

POEM: My Story

There is the sun and the moon
And the warmth of the soul.

I could tell you a story,a tale.
I could spin my life and make it sound so well but then you wouldn’t understand my being.

You wouldn’t catch my meaning,You wouldn’t understand what I was seeing — You wouldn’t see the beauty.

The hurt,the smile,the love.You wouldn’t see it truly.
So I’m not going to lie,I’m just going to let the time go by.
Eventually you’ll get it. You’ll stop asking why.

I’m not trying to be mean.I just want you to see what I’ve seen,Like watching it on a movie screen — Scene by scene,Tear by tear.Each and every fear.All of it,I want you to hear.

Does this make me mad and  bad or does it make you sad?

Am I annoying you now?Would you like me to tell you how,It came to be this way?Sorry, but I don’t really think I should say.

Because then you wouldn’t understand my being and  wouldn’t catch my meaning so you wouldn’t understand what I was seeing.

You wouldn’t see the beauty.The hurt, the smile, the love. You wouldn’t see it truly.

My life is like a flower. It started as a seed that was planted in someone’s backyard. Every day this flower looked for sun and water as the roots started to sprout. The flower started to grow bigger.

Eventually the flower has grown standing tall, strong ,and beautiful. The flower has fully bloomed. But who’s backyard? Who is responsible for this beautiful creation that I have become?
I would say My Mother but she left us too early.

The things I’ve seen and gone through will scar me forever.
Growing up,I’ve seen wrongs and very little of right.
I hear a sad song, and tears roll down my face.

I look in the mirror and feel so out of place.I don’t want to become something larger than life rather something real and so right.

Do they understand,am I understood?
Can life be better? I wish that it could.
Before I make a decision, I always think twice;they say, “what can I do to help you feel better.”

I was abused as a child,and now as an adult I still struggle with the hurt and never getting an acknowledgment from my abuser.
My past keeps me in bondage, and it’s up to me to release it and be able to move on.

To expand more about it is that As a child,I was very abused by the man I always THOUGHT was my dad.

He did things to me as a child,like starving me, putting knives to my throat,kicked me,stomped on me, and even hit me numerous times with his fist and beat me with a belt buckle across my back and head.

That man went more further to torture and frustrate my mentor and protector – our mother, which later led to her death.

Now that I’m an adult,I still have nightmares of what my father has done to me and our mother.I can honestly say I will never whip my kids because I’m scared that I might go too far and take my  frustrations to them.

With God’s help,I will raise them in a non-violent home, and I pray to God that they’ll turn out to be wonderful.
I will be proud of them since they’ll be good wives,awesome mothers, wonderful husband and fathers.I will be thankful for that every day.

At times searching for something that may never be known causes mental disturbance that turns my heart into a stone.

Creating more  memories alone in my head,holding me hostage as I lie in my bed.

Fits of despair blind my sight,awaken to find am losing the fight.Rays of sunlight lead the way,hurts from the past only keep me away.

Deception has caused our faith to stray,
simple gestures are life’s way to say.Release the burden that’s wanted my stay,crumble my thoughts and throw them away.

Discovered a strength to start a new page,
no longer alone slipped from the cage.Bruised and broken,I now can see a glimpse of hope that may set me free.

About Author

Am a friend, Humanitarian, Mentor and a listener struggling to make my mind and heart work together to make the the best Impact in the society (community)
Read my work on letswrite.co.ke